So now we're into the training phase. Stupid me, this is where I thought that Dougie, at least, would begin to find -- well, not comfort exactly, but maybe an end to terror. And I know that I shouldn't be thinking "Well, when he gets Stockholm Syndrome he'll be happier" but, seriously, at this point it seems like Dougie's best option. This story twists all my logic up and completely fucks me over.
So, yeah, Dougie. I'm screwed up enough that I want for Dougie what Nikolai wants -- I want him to be a happy slave. Except watching Nikolai driving doubt into Dougie's mind -- doubt that Mat can respect him for taking the least line of resistance, doubt that Mat can forgive him for what happened at the auction, doubt that Mat even cares
-- is horrible. Necessary, but horrible. A part of me just wants Dougie to give in, to accept what Nikolai is offering, because he's not going to be able to think his way out of this.
(Note to everyone: you probably don't want me beside you in a hostage situation. I don't think I would be very good for morale.)
At least Mat wasn't being tortured as much in this episode, I thought foolishly. Because, hell, that scene when Nikolai orders Mat to inject himself with the syringe
was intense. And shattering. "Stab him in the neck, Mat!" I kept shouting at my kindle, but of course that was never an option.
For me, this was the episode where I really started to understand Mat better. I understand why he can't stop fighting, why he needs to resist even though he can't possibly win.
And Nikolai? Well, watching him is like watching a high wire act. How the hell is he doing that? How the hell can he keep his balance ? I hate Nikolai, but he is fascinating
. On one hand he's a monster, of course he is, but -- if this is a situation the brothers can't escape from, and it sure looks that way -- he's also their only hope of survival. He's showing them the rules to this new life. He's torturing them, but he's also teaching them how to stay alive. Make no mistake, I want Nikolai to end up with a bullet in the head, but at this point he's necessary.
I don't know if this series with have a happy ending. I don't know if that could be in any way possible, or if I even want it. But I can't stop reading now. I'm invested now, and I need to know where this is going.
I hate The Flesh Cartel. I love it. I hate it. I love it. And around and around I go...